I recently heard the story of an older lady who, early one morning, had taken two buses and a subway in New York City to deliver a package to an upscale apartment building. To her dismay, the family had already left town for the country when she arrived tired and breathless. She was distraught as she had been told, only the day before, that the delivery was important. Consequently, she was very stressed as she was due to deliver a lecture that morning for which she was now late. She had a caring heart and was always ready to serve, even though this occurrence wasn't an isolated incident in this relationship that spanned many decades.

We are encouraged to pursue these loftier ideals of caring. "Everybody can be great because everybody can serve," the Reverend Martin Luther King famously declared. Enacted by Congress in 1994, we even have the MLK Day of Service to inspire us to move closer to Dr. King's version of a "beloved community." It is stirring stuff, for sure, but caring for others is complicated because we are complex beings living in complex times.

From an observer's perspective, the dynamic in the caring lady's experience appears simple. What is a vital demonstration of consideration for one person is valued differently for the other. Complex relationship dynamics like this play out every day, creating stress, inequity, depression, conflict, and manipulation.

In broad terms, people can be divided into two groups with very different approaches to caring. Some, like our lady, care too much and compromise themselves. The world is full of overly caring people who feel the weight of responsibility and take it very seriously, spending precious time taking on problems even when they are not their burden.

Then we have those who never take responsibility, even when it is theirs to assume—often, being cynically aware that the caring vacuum this creates is overcompensated for by the over-carers who come to the rescue and are taken advantage of.

Why we care and why we don't stem from complex impulsive reflexes and conscious decisions with numerous unique components that arise from a complex alchemy of psychology, upbringing, culture, education, beliefs, and value systems.

The first reason that often comes to mind when we think about why we care is love. It seems straightforward, but love is a multifaceted emotion. It can be selfless, prioritizing the well-being and empowerment of others, or it can be shadowy, exerting control under the guise of love.

Then, there is the complex relationship between caring and the powerful emotion of guilt. Guilt creates unpleasant feelings when we know or imagine we have done something wrong. We might overcompensate with caring as we try to soothe the unhappiness, or we might replace caring with denial and neglect that only exacerbates such unpleasant feelings.

We may care because we are imbued with a sense of duty to care that arises from our desire to be good people. We may feel an obligation to be responsible citizens or family members. We may fear other people's opinions. We may not even care much, but we want to appear in a good light.

Living in a world filled with bad news and catastrophic events, it's easy to get caught up in caring about everything. However, our current cultural environment often encourages a victim mentality, shifting responsibility onto others. For those of us with caring hearts, it's crucial to discern what's truly worth our time and energy to make a meaningful difference.

So, how best can we navigate these complexities of caring for our well-being and the well-being of others? Working out what we are and are not responsible for is complicated, but a little retrospection will help. Ask yourself, and be honest: Is this my issue to care about? Is my life affected by the consequences? Can I make a difference? Am I enabling irresponsible behavior or empowering someone to be better? Am I investing energy in a situation that will never change?

Our well-being is seriously jeopardized when we get drawn into wasting time caring for situations that are not ours to take on and that we can't improve. Misplaced and unnecessary caring will negatively impact your life and compromise those who depend on you. Your time is your most precious resource, and you use it wisely and contribute to a better world when you care for situations and people who are worthy of your care.