Following the release of the Surgeon General’s advisory addressing the "epidemic of loneliness and isolation," much attention is paid to feeling lonely. The statistics are shocking because feelings of isolation negatively impact us physically, emotionally, and spiritually. One in two adults reported experiencing loneliness before the COVID pandemic, worsening the situation. Age isn’t a factor either because people of all ages spend less time with others than twenty years ago. This trend mainly affects people under twenty-five who have seventy percent less social time than previous generations at this age.

Describing loneliness as an “epidemic” tends to suggest that there is something “out there” that we are at the mercy of. However, I prefer to reframe loneliness as something we have control over, and the first step is to explore its origins.

Any era of radical transformation in human history creates massive upheaval for those who live through it. We are dealing with profound change on every level: Climate, technology, economics, culture, religion, and spirituality, along with the accompanying erosion of confidence in government, institutions, and one another. There is a “but” today, however. Because changes that would have taken decades, even years, in the past (like The Industrial Revolution or WWII, for example) are often measured in months, even weeks, and we’re more adrift than ever in a world we’re struggling to understand.

A confluence of events and choices have brought us to this crisis: Dispersed families, more of us living alone; residual post-pandemic habits at home and work; electronic communication; social media; fear-mongering as in “it’s scary out there”; culture wars and fear of being misunderstood; anxiety over how we appear; feeling our lives diminished when they don’t match up to such mythologies as the over romanticization of love, and soul partnership, and the American Dream and so on.

With the speed of change outstripping our ability to adapt, our reaction is fear, overwhelm, and confusion. This makes us particularly vulnerable to fear-mongering and self-protective withdrawal into ourselves as we try to escape from the world. All the while, our fears are reflected on the world stage. Integration versus exclusion and discrimination, expansionism, and collaboration versus isolationism are the significant forces dominating geopolitics, driving a shift in familiar alliances and hostilities. 

Having evolved to create ways of meeting many needs with a swipe or a click, we are still tribal creatures hard-wired over centuries of human evolution to be connected. Historically, being banished from the tribe meant our survival was at stake. Simply put, there’s safety in numbers. As a result, our lack of connection with others threatens our sense of safety and security, dramatically affecting our well-being. Isolation can lead to all manner of physical and emotional problems—withdrawal, aggression, anger, depression, suicide, and so on. Chemical changes in the body caused by the stress of insecurity lead to actual physical problems such as hypertension, heart attack, and stroke. And the less we communicate, the less able we are to communicate until avoidance becomes habitual.

So, if you need some comforting connection and camaraderie, now’s the perfect time. Sunshine and long, light evenings are conducive to being social. Many people I know have recently taken the plunge and joined theater groups, dance classes, and community initiatives. There are so many beautiful things in our communities that something suits everyone. Get out of your comfort zone and even break some taboos like looking people in the eye on the street and smiling or conversing with a stranger. Move beyond habitual small talk into meaningful conversations. Cut down on mindless scrolling on your cell phone and make a call instead of text, check in on your elderly neighbor, and arrange to meet a friend.

The sacred truth is that we’re all in this together, and when we lose sight of that, we become unwell. So, take back your power, reach out, and rediscover the richness of connection because we will make this world a better place. It's simple.