With the benefit of hindsight 2023 was a year of revelation. In what was predicted to be a year when life returned to some semblance of post-pandemic normal, themes of loneliness, miscommunication, and conflict dominated. So why is it that with the major issues we’re facing today such as climate change, polarization, and pandemic residue, that require collaboration and cooperation to address, are so many still choosing to go it alone? 

This “I did it my way” approach to life has its roots in the potent mythology of rugged individualism with its reverence for self-reliance. Historically this tended to involve forceful actions such as conquering and pioneering to impose our will on others and nature. This takes a certain courage, strength, and a powerful sense of invincibility and entitlement. In today’s “me” culture we see this in the competitive drive for material gain, positions of power, celebrity, influence, and so on, which create a feeling of exclusivity – of separateness and specialness. Many advertising commercials today from perfume to vacations feature glamourous people alone in an exotic setting.

This idea that we’re somehow special is both delusional and damaging because, for all its bravado, it comes from a deep-rooted sense of inadequacy and fear. The belief is that there is only so much to go around, and I need to grasp my share before somebody takes from me. The belief that only our needs matter and that we are the epicenter of a universe whose function is to serve us is isolating. We put ourselves out on a limb and lose touch with the myriad benefits human interconnectedness provides.

Years ago, I attended an experiential workshop for start-up businesses. One exercise was to re-create how we felt about our organization in five minutes using a few available props. When it was our turn the only things available were an old crate and a jam jar. We put the jar on the crate with a flower in it and stood uncomfortably in a tight circle around it straining to hold hands. The facilitators asked how we felt. Frustrated, overwhelmed, uncomfortable, claustrophobic, inadequate, and small were some of the words I recall. At that moment, a Native American woman stepped in to expand our circle. “How does it feel now?” She asked.

The effect was dramatic. The weight lifted from our shoulders with her seemingly simple gesture of connection and collaboration was so profound that one of my colleagues burst into tears of relief. There’s no fooling the human heart. We are biologically wired to feel good when we connect and when we share our humanity. It’s the reason why we’re so moved by an uplifting speech or beautiful musical performance.

Red carpets do not roll themselves out. Film stars, pop stars, and sports stars can only exist with dedicated teamwork and an audience. A surgeon can only perform a lifesaving operation with a dedicated team that includes the janitors who sterilize the floor. No one is an island.

It may sound like a cliché, but teamwork really does make the dreams work. I am currently in the middle of producing our latest film, The End for Me, and without every single one of the team working towards a shared goal, there is no film.

It saddens me to see the disillusionment, frustration, disappointment, and loneliness generated by the failed results of the choice to go it alone. A spirit of collaboration improves every aspect of our lives expanding our world by opening previously unimagined connections, opportunities, and experiences. People are magnetically attracted to inclusive people who share and who consider the needs and the value of others. In his Pulitzer Prize-winning novel, The Grapes of Wrath, author John Steinbeck most eloquently describes it this way, “As soon as “I” becomes “we,” the seeds of change have been planted.” My advice is don’t go it alone, for if you do you might not get to where you want to go.