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elegant aspirations
april 2021
Misery Loves Company
Avoiding Unnecessary Drama
By Caroline Phipps
We live in an overly dramatized world where drama is a seductive force, whether on the world stage or in our personal lives. However, this continuous over-dramatization has a downside: it can be exhausting, overwhelming, and unproductive.
Growing up in a "mustn't grumble" culture—where politeness was valued above all—was quite different in England. We even found comedy in our no-drama stoicism. The knight in Monty Python’s film “Holy Grail,” who proclaims, “It’s only a flesh wound,” while clinging to life, perfectly illustrates this cultural peculiarity. Just yesterday, I saw a headline in The New Yorker: “Prince Philip’s Death and the End of British Stoicism.” It seems that even the Brits have now fully embraced drama.
So, what does everyday, overly dramatic behavior look like? It manifests in many ways, including temper tantrums, sulking, yelling, catastrophizing, over-sharing, crocodile tears, passive-aggressive behavior, and more. These behaviors are familiar and highly contagious, and we all have the potential to be "super spreaders" of drama.
There’s an adage: “Misery loves company.” At the heart of this overly dramatic behavior is a desperate need for attention—we want an audience to share our pain. A classic example of this is found in Aesop’s Fable, “The Boy Who Cried Wolf.” The boy raised false alarms about a wolf attacking the sheep, causing the villagers to stop believing him. They didn’t believe him when the wolf came, and all the sheep were eaten. This illustrates the serious consequences of “making a mountain out of a molehill.” Whether we are the audience or the protagonist, there can be no winners. When we take center stage with our drama one time too many, we risk losing all credibility. Eventually, we may find ourselves looking out from the stage only to see nothing but empty seats.
This sad and lonely picture shows us that we must work together to be happy and productive. It's impossible to have a successful show if we've driven everyone away.
So, how can we limit the damaging effects of drama?
First, let’s ask ourselves: Who brings drama into my life? And whose life do I negatively impact with my drama? There will be people we can easily avoid and those we must get along with. Some will trigger our emotional outbursts, while others may enjoy acting out around us. Without self-awareness, nothing will change.
When acting out, we must examine what triggered that behavior. For example, when we are furious about dirty dishes in the sink, are we upset about the mess, or are we feeling powerless and deflecting from something more significant, like a lack of respect in our relationships? What if we choose to leave the dirty dishes? Perhaps there’s a valid reason—like laziness—or we’re deliberately trying to provoke a reaction.
Many lives are consumed by these exhausting petty dramas, which is why we explore our complex triggers in greater depth in my Empathy Workshop Series: What am I bringing to the table? What are my true intentions? Should I take it personally? Am I being triggered by an experience? Self-exploration and compassion for ourselves and others are key to eliminating unnecessary drama.
During the tumultuous days leading up to World War II—arguably a time as complex as our own—the British government produced a motivational poster designed to combat the negative effects of drama. It aimed to raise spirits, strengthen collaboration, and create resilience. The now-legendary call to “Keep Calm and Carry On” helped the beleaguered population endure some of the most dramatic events in history. I would say that remains excellent advice for today.