In 1969 the British Rock Group The Hollies had a number 1 hit with the song, “He Ain’t Heavy He’s My Brother”. This song has become very special to me as the soundtrack of my Love experience. I’ve shared it with you, and I hope you see what I mean.

This is the first part of my exploration of the Aspiration of Leveraging Love - Love Power.

Of all of the Elegant Aspirations at our disposal Leveraging Love is probably the most powerful. Much of the circumstance of our lives depends upon where we choose to give Love, where we search for Love and when we withhold Love. At the present time in our evolution the word Love is banded about all the time: Romantic Love principally but also family Love, Love of country, Love of a cause and so on. Where people go it seems Love goes too!

All of this talk of Love is fairly new to me. When I was growing up in England, in the early Sixties, Love was never articulated verbally. It was considered impolite and indulgent to discuss emotions. But did that mean the Love we felt was any the less? Does it have to be mentioned to manifest? The key here is “felt”. I knew how loved I was by my family. There was no need for words.

There is an energy that passes between us when Love is leveraged. I experienced the life altering power of Love three years ago when my life partner Dennis Watlington suffered multiple strokes. In the blink of an eye, he went from strong and brilliant to totally dependent on me.

Dennis and I had been together for four years when he crashed. We weren’t married, although we lived together and shared everything. “Officially” it could be said I wasn’t responsible for him in any way. Seeing what a train wreck our lives had become, many people in my life were very (and understandably) concerned about my wellbeing. As one of my friends explained, “when one person in a family has a stroke, everyone in the family has a stroke.”

At this moment, a strange thing began to happen. It’s my belief that when life- altering tragedies befall us, we never know how we are going to react, and we are never prepared. As the strokes were cutting off oxygen to Dennis’ brain, he managed to say through distorted lips, “I am falling down a deep, dark well…” Without conscious thought I replied, “Don’t worry, we’re coming to get you out…”

He was so vulnerable and so trusting that the thought of leaving him to drown alone was more than I could bear. I became the presence that anchored his spirit to the earth. His heart connection with me proved stronger than the third brain-stem stroke that came 48 hours later and nearly killed him a second time.

As I drove home from the hospital that night I realized we were at the start of a very long journey and I had no clue where it would take us. It was then that I remembered the British Rock Group The Hollies number 1 hit from 1969, “He Ain’t Heavy He’s My Brother”. It was as if they had penned these lyrics particularly for me:

“The road is long

With many a winding turn

That leads us to who knows where

Who knows when

But I'm strong

Strong enough to carry him

He ain't heavy, he's my brother”

I took solace from the words, but it made me wonder, did I have the strength it would take to carry him? His brain was so injured that the only way to make contact with him was on an energetic level and I realized that the quality of that energy would be the key to his recovery. With everything stripped bare it was all we had left. If we were to make any progress at all I had to be careful that he was never made to feel like a burden or he would turn his face to the wall and give up. And as far as I was concerned, as The Hollies reassuringly point out; when love is leveraged there is no burden to bear. He sings:

“So on we go

His welfare is of my concern

No burden is he to bear

We'll get there

For I know

He would not encumber me

He ain't heavy, he's my brother.” 

I knew that if our roles were reversed Dennis would never leave me to go it alone under such impossible conditions. This was the hand the Universe had dealt us. The operative word here being “us”. The people who populated our strange new medical universe told me constantly that the way we were handling our situation was somewhat unusual. Love can be scarce and even deliberately withheld when accidents and illness strike and I was amazed to see that hospitals, nursing homes and rehabilitation facilities are filled with patients who have nobody to care for them outside of the system. I could see the loneliness and alienation on the inside, but it made me wonder how friends and families really feel about being absent. Choosing to leverage love in this way is actually a two-way street as the rewards for care giving are huge. I remembered the elegant way The Hollies framed this:

“If I'm laden at all

I'm laden with sadness

That everyone's heart

Isn't filled with the gladness

Of love for one another.” 

I introduced the concept of “Love is all around me” into every aspect of Dennis’ convalescence: Every interaction, every meal, every therapy session, every day. This powerful Love energy attracted more Love energy and most everyone in Dennis’ new orbit entered with their own special brand of Love, much of it unspoken. With no other way to contribute Dennis’ intuitive reaction was to leverage Love with more Love and he continues to dispense Love and appreciation to those around him. He explains that it is Love that has helped him feel relevant and valuable in his brokenness. The power of love in his gradual recovery is as important as the life-saving clinical work of the medical staff. 

The deceptively simple and elegant lyrics from The Hollies perfectly encapsulate for me what power love has when it is leveraged to help one another:

“It's a long, long road

From which there is no return

While we're on the way to there

Why not share

And the load

Doesn't weigh me down at all

He ain't heavy, he's my brother.” 

Living as a brotherhood, interconnected by Love Power of every type, makes us so much stronger and more resilient than going it alone. Life and relationships only feel like lead weights when love is absent.

Where we have one word for the power of Love, the ancient Greeks (understanding the complexities) developed four. Agape meaning Love that doesn’t demand reciprocity: Philia epitomized in the Love friends have for one another: Storge being a kind of innate affection as a parent has for a child.  And of course, Eros the sensual, often physical form of Love which operates outside of the bounds of logic. This is the form of Love that intrigues and confounds us the most. Tellingly Eros is often depicted in art and literature as a playful, blindfold-wearing Cupid with a bow, who shoots off arrows in seemingly random directions targeting innocent victims.

The elegant aspiration of Love in its many forms clearly demands more attention. Next month I will explore Romantic Love in all its complicated and sometimes messy glory. In the meantime, pay attention to when you leverage Love. It’s the most powerful force at your disposal. As the fuel that drives the engine of human relationships its Love actually that makes the world turn.